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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2005|07:11 pm]
[mood |boredbored]

Why is my life so boring? I've been sitting here in front of a blank page for 20 minutes trying to think of something interesting to write. Alas, there is nothing.

At work today, one of the clients told me that I remind him of Ted Baxter from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Ted Baxter is the extremely stupid Anchor Man on the show who is always the butt of everyone's jokes.

Yesterday, another one of the clients called me a "fucking cock sucker" because I couldn't recall a conversation that we DIDN'T EVEN HAVE! He said we "spoke over the air." I'm not quite sure what that means to him. Anyway, I couldn't really say much to him because he's right!

Things I Ponder ...
Why do you drive on a Parkway and park in a Drive way?
Why is there Braille on a drive-thru ATM?
Why are the words Cereal and Serial pronounced the same?
How about the silent "K" in knife and the silent "T" in often?
Why is there a McDonald's in the same plaza as Bally Total Fitness?
Why are CD's so frigging hard to open?
Does Jesus have a hard time eating peanuts?
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Haiku-Bee-Doobie [Oct. 19th, 2005|08:29 pm]
[mood |sillysilly]

Panera brings Joy
Tuna on French bread roll rocks
makes my tummy smile

The wonders of Panera Bread bring me to a state of enlightenment which allows me to write Haikus.

Bread Bowls make me swoon
Broccoli and Cheese Soup in them
Love it! Panera!

I had forgotten about the decadence that is Panera, until my mother, in her infinite wisdom, suggested that we dine there this evening. My heart leapt as I took a first bite into my tuna sandwich. I am forever indebted to her for allowing me to remember this wonderful place.

Mom is omniscient
Took me to Panera Bread
knows my heart's yearnings

Thank God for Panera Bread!
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Three-Hundred and Forty Million ... [Oct. 17th, 2005|07:15 pm]
[mood |geekygeeky]

What would you do with that much money?

Here's my plan.

IfCollapse )

PLAY POWERBALL! $340, 000, 000.00
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drinking wine alone, part two [Sep. 30th, 2005|10:53 pm]
[mood |drunkdrunk]
[music |same as before.]

Today one of my staff told me that she thinks her boyfriend is gay. I said, "What makes you think that?" And she proceeded to tell me the story of how her boyfriend's best friend (we shall call him Emile) went on a five-day-all-gay male cruise and bought her boyfriend a ticket. Although he did not go, her boyfriend complained the ENTIRE five days that Emile was gone and called Emile at least three times a day. When Emile failed to answer the phone, he was quite upset and said EVERY TIME, "He must be in the duty free store." So, the question I asked was, "Why wouldn't he answer the phone if he was shopping in a duty free store?" So we decided that this must be a code for having gay man sex. So, aside from the fact that I deduced that my employee's boyfriend is a TOTAL MARY, I have decided to say that I "went shopping duty free" every time I have sex with a man.

I don't have a code word for when I have sex with a woman, but lets face it, THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! If it ever did, I think my code words would be ... "I did something disgusting."

I'm drunk. Love ya!
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drinking wine alone [Sep. 30th, 2005|10:22 pm]
[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |HGTV--House Hunters]

Oh how much fun! "Eye Of The Storm" to be precise. Nothing like a cheap, sweet white Zinfendel to accompany a lonely Friday night....

I love you, my friends! And I'm sorry that I am sometimes neglectful. But I so hate to bore you with my utterly uninteresting life. Therefore, I had chosen not to post for a while. I am mesmerized, however, by the interesting lives of my friends and have enjoyed reading about you daily. You are all wonderful.

I had a dream this morning, just before waking up (always the most vivid, aren't they?). In the dream, I was watching a man who I loathed (although I did not know who he was) be executed. We were outside. The only people there were myself, the "executor", the "executee" and a guard. The man was tied to a cross and was wearing a red and white tunic, much like Christ (which totally added to the dream's creepiness). As I watched the man be electrocuted on the cross, I became distraught and started sobbing. Then the man slipped from the cross, dead. His tunic was still on the cross; he was naked. But he wasn't dead! Just pretending. He moved and arm and pointed to the sky. The "executor" screamed, "oh shit!" Then, "When a Man Loves a Woman" started playing and the guy who was supposed to have been executed, with the evilest of grins, said, "Well, I'm definitely going to be loving a man tonight" and began to come toward me. The guard yelled, "Run!" and tried to shield me but the guy came up behind me and licked my neck. I woke up scared and thought about the dream all day.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I can't figure out what that dream means. Any ideas? Does it just mean that I am totally messed up in my subconscious?

Otherwise, life has been good.
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(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2005|09:48 am]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

Summer is almost over. Pretty soon the stores will be decorated for Chirstmas ... and don't laugh, because they're starting earlier every year. It's quite ridiculous, really. And saddens me emmensely. I love Christmas. But if by December 10th I'm ready to vomit when I hear "Jingle Bells," THEN THERE'S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG!!!

And another thing ... why, when on the highway, do people feel the need to drive in a lane that will be blocked off as evidenced by the HUGE ORANGE SIGNS AND CONES starting at least a mile away, sometimes more. So then when the right lane is actually closed, no one has moved to the left lane. The result: A PAIN IN THE ASS TRAFFIC JAM THAT MAKES EVERYONE LATE FOR WORK!!! These people must die and be buried with their Beamers. That's all ... have a nice day. :-)
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Peter Goes to the Beach. [Jul. 25th, 2005|03:52 pm]
It was cloudy and windy, but I went anyway. I was hopeful that the sun would come out, but it didn't. I stayed for about 4 hours. It was cold, but Harry Potter kept me warm. He's good to cuddle up with! :-) Maybe another day for the beach? After all I AM ON A TWO WEEK VACATION!!!
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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2005|08:45 pm]
Ugh ...

I haven't posted in a while, nor have I replied to comments (some of them very nice, I might add) that I received on previous posts. I've just been busy, I guess. So to all of you: THANKS! YOU ROCK! AND I'LL TRY TO BE BETTER!

Right now, I'm all caught up with my brother's wedding mumbo-jumbo. He better appreciate it. And if he ever gets divorced, I will whip him until he passes out. (I know some of you might like that, but he wouldn't). Being "best man" is tough!

Well, I just got a call from G. to see if I wanted to go see a movie ... and I think I do, so I'm off like a prom dress. Later y'all. Goodnight.
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ugh ... [Jul. 6th, 2005|10:10 pm]
[mood |distresseddistressed]

J* is a skank. A skank-heffa-ho-bag-mothah-fuckah. Why she gotta be a poser? Why she gotta be flippin' a script like that? Shit. I'm gonna give her the beat down and then pop a cap in her sorry ass. And don't think I won't ... 'cuz you know I will! SHIT! DAMN KID!

I went to spend a little Q.T. with prone210 (feel free to send her hateful comments), signed on to lj on her computer and forgot to sign off. So she took the liberty of posting for me. The previous entry is not mine. J>>>Funny that you're so good a Boggle, but you can't spell for shit!

Hey, I'm totally kidding. Good job ... I didn't think you had it in ya. You're a real joke-ster.

click here for my real postCollapse )
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Boggle [Jul. 6th, 2005|08:58 pm]
Just got home from hanging out with one of the coolest girls that I know. I still like her, even though she consistently kicks my ass at Boggle. When I grow up I want to be just liek her! Night all.
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